The King Of The Gridiron Makes His NFL Picks

Now, I don’t do this for everyone, but Rickey Lamar Hampton Sr., the editor of The African-American Athlete, convinced me to share my wisdom on life, and football with you good people.

So consider this my pleasure, and your honor.

By the way, how do you like my picture? I got my bling going.  The rapper, Little Wayne, traded  me that platinum gold turbin I am wearing, for some gold fillings, the last time I was in New Orleans. He is such a nice little fellow…a little weird, but nice.

I must say, before I start with my picks I have to say I don’t know which is dumber, the coaching decisions I saw in the opening week of the NFL season, or the fact that Donald Trump is the leading candidate for the Republican Presidential nomination in the polls.

In Week 1, New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin gave away a victory at Dallas, with his  incompetent decisions in the final moments of that game. If he had made a blundering call like that in my country, I can’t say he would’ve made it home.

And how about  the offensive coordinators in Minnesota and Detroit? The Vikings and Lions  have two of the greatest offensive weapons in the history of the sport, (Adrian Peterson and Calvin Johnson, respectively) and they didn’t use them in Week 1.

Johnson only had four targets, and Peterson only 10 carries. That is just dumb. That would be like me only sleeping with 1 of my 10 beautiful wives…who does such a thing?

Anyway, I digress. Here are my picks for Week 2.

Denver at Kansas City – I am a big fan of Peyton Manning, but the dude is going to get his ass busted in Arrowhead. If Seattle is the loudest place to play in the NFL, Arrowhead Stadium is right up there, too. And with this being a Thursday night game, you can expect Chief fans to have plenty of ribs from Gates Barbecue, and brews in them. Chiefs 24, Broncos 17.

Houston at Carolina – Houston’s J.J. Watt is the best player in football in my book. It seems like he can do everything, except play quarterback. The Texans are going with Ryan Mallet at quarterback this week. Cam Newton will be the Panthers quarterback. The team with the best QB wins. Carolina 21, Houston 17.

San Francisco at Pittsburgh – Are the 49ers as good as they looked Monday night against Minnesota, or is it  the Vikings are just that bad? Pittsburgh was awful in their opening night loss to New England. I can’t believe the 49ers will play as well as they did last week, after traveling across country. Meanwhile, the Steelers are a proud franchise, and will look to redeem themselves in the home opener. Steelers 31, 49ers 28.

Arizona at Chicago –  The Bears fired Lovie Smith in 2012 despite the fact he had a 10-6 record. They haven’t done jack since then. And while I have never been a fan of the Bears, I am REALLY not a fan after they firing Lovie.  I actually put a curse on the Bears.  Chicago has  a new coach, John Fox, who does a good job. But he can’t over come the curse of Lovie. Arizona 62, Chicago 0.

San Diego at Cincinnati – The Lions’ defense made Keenan Allen look like Megatron (15 catches) in San Diego last week. Allen is not Megatron, and the Chargers are not going to beat the Bengals in Cincinnati. Bengals 24, Chargers 20.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans – I love New Orleans. Little Wayne showed me a hell of a time when I was there. Now, you know how I feel about Lovie, who is now the Tampa Bay coach. But Lovie is going to need a lot of love after this weekend. Saints 34, Bucs 17.

Detroit at Minnesota – We should see a lot more from Adrian Peterson and Calvin Johnson this week. If not, the offensive coordinators of both teams should be deported. Purple is one of my favorite colors, but I have a pet Lion. Detroit 24, Vikings 23.

New England at Buffalo – I got so sick of hearing about Tom Brady and deflagate. People hate him because he is rich, famous, and good looking. People hate me because I am rich, famous and good looking. If they don’t think so, I will have them shot. The Buffalo defense is the difference here. Bills 21, New England 20.

Tennessee at Cleveland – Marcus Mariota threw four touchdown passes in his pro debut last week against the Tampa Bay Bucs. This week, he will face the Cleveland Browns. Next week Mariota will finally face a real NFL team when the Titans play at Indianapolis.  Titans 24, Cleveland14.

Atlanta Falcons at New York Giants – Tom Coughlin has hired the coach from the Bronx Elementary School football team to help him make decisions down the stretch this week following last weeks’ debacle in Dallas. That still won’t help him beat a good Atlanta team.  Falcons 28, Giants 21.

St. Louis Rams at Washington – When is the Washington team going to change its nickname? Why do people think Jay Gruden is a good head coach because his brother won a Super Bowl?  He is not. Until they get a new nickname, I am calling them the Washington ‘Sucks’.  The Rams are going to destroy them, 52-3.

Miami at Jacksonville- Don’t let the stereotypes fool you, we do not believe in cannibalism in my country. However, Miami’s Ndamukong Suh does.  Suh literally eats Jacksonville quarterback Black Bortles, and the Dolphins win 27-14.

Baltimore at Oakland – The Raiders were once one of the great franchises in the NFL. Great players like Cliff Branch, Howie Long, Tim Brown, Marcus Allen and Bo Jackson donned the Silver and Black. Problem is, if they came back today they would still be the Raiders’ best players, even in though they are all in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. Ravens 23, Raiders 20.

Dallas at Philadelphia – One of my subjects said “King, Dallas is the most famous football team in our country. Is it because they win the American Super Bowl every year?.” I told her no, the Cowboys haven’t won the Super Bowl in 20 years. ESPN covers the Cowboys the way the media covers Trump. Philadelphia 94, Dallas 2.

Seattle at Green Bay – Green Bay?  Is this place green, and does it sit by a bay?  The Seahawks lost their season-opener last week. That won’t happen this time. Seattle 28, Green Bay 24.

New York Jets at Indianapolis – I like the Jets because I like their coach, Todd Bowles. He is one of five African-American head coaches, along with an Hispanic coach (Ron Rivera, Carolina), to make six coaches of color. But Todd’s team is in trouble against the Colts at home. Andrew Luck leads his team to victory. Colts 33, Jets 20.